Post by Logo (The Horrorshow Freak) on Jul 27, 2014 5:29:52 GMT
I would sit up at night and imagine things. I would imagine a place where I live on my own, where I would have everything how I want it, my wives name and how many kids Id have, but that's a fictional world where I make up the rules. Sadly I can't make up any rules in this life. Sigh. I was misguided into believing everything was going to be lollipops and sunshine, Infact, we all were. We were told from day one that life is a blessing and yet it is the most powerful curse. Sure, life is good, life is great, but is it really? I mean, yeah we get to experience so many good things like love and marriage and having a family, but we also experience heartbreak, self-break, depression, sickness, disease, corrupt politicians and money hungry business-men. Is this a world we want to live in? With such poverty and evil as it has, does it even make life worth living? I was a dreamer once, until I got rain over by the Reality Bus and came to realize that everything I was told was a dream, and that's how our parents wanted it to be. They want us to be dreamers so we don't have to see the bad, but little do they know that just like any kind of armor, there's chinks and holes and cracks we can see out of and see the bad. In our premature minds it's not as bad as it is when we finally mature at 13 or 14 and realize the worlds not a fairytale, not even a nightmare. The sad fact of the matter is that if there is a Heaven and a Hell, the Earth will be the Hell, because that's what it already is. It's sickening to me to this day that I was lied to and yeah it was to protect me, but what did it help in the long run? Did I tell you I was a dreamer? Now I'm a realist. Now I realize that there is no more you and I, just the memory that remains like a loved ones ashes above the mantel. And every once in a while we dig out the old tapes of that loved one and watch what they did when they were alive, much like us when we act out what we used to do. Now I'm a realist and come to realize that you will grow up much like myself and in a few months will forget all about me, it has happened before and will again. I'm a realist and I realize that no matter how bad I want it I know we would never marry because one you want to be that free spirit and two we live halfway across the nation. Maybe our romance was a dream. But I know that it couldn't have been because no matter how hard I try I can't feel in my dreams. I can imagine feeling but I can't feel. I could feel our love. Sure, I'm spilling this out to you because I can't get over you, but maybe it's because I am but I dream I'm not. Maybe it's my dreams that hold me back. Maybe that's what holds me back. Did I ever tell you I was a dreamer? WAS a dreamer. Now I'm a realist.