Post by (s)aint on Mar 3, 2014 7:30:12 GMT
I never fit in. I was always the fat kid, the loser. I never had any friends. I was overly sheltered. Then in 5th grade, I moved. Away from the easy, sheltered life of the city, to the rough, real life of the country. November 6th, 2006. A day forever imprinted in my mind. The day that I started my first day of 5th grade in a new school. It was quite apparent that I didn't fit in. The smallest thing would upset me and drive me to tears. I cried on the third day after being called fat. I couldn't help it, I just couldn't handle it. Fifth Grade was miserable. Then came Sixth Grade and the start of Middle School. My real troubles began here. I was constantly picked on for my weight, my religion, and things I liked. I had a few who just wouldn't stop. I would go in the bathroom and cry during lunch, I was an emotional wreck. I cried constantly, I was so embarrassed and ashamed but it was the only way to let the poison growing inside out.
Sometimes...I would fantasize terrible things. Did I used to fantasize shooting up the school? Honestly...I did. I used to imagine myself killing everyone who had ever made me feel bad. But no, I didn't act on it thankfully. Then I fell into a deeper depression by the time 8th grade rolled around. I was just constantly depressed about everything, I looked into the mirror with disgust at what stared back. A fat, useless, piece of shit. Then in 2009, I hit an all time low. My uncle had graciously tried putting me on a diet plan but no matter what I did I did not see a difference. I had everyone around me telling me how great I looked but I saw the same fat, piece of shit. It got so bad that my mother put me on suicide watch (which she was smart to do). The only thing that may have kept me alive during that time was a kind friend I met on a website. Finally, in 2010/11ish I just toughened up and stop giving a crap. I was still miserable but I wasn't planning on ending my life anymore. In 2012 I began my weight loss, I worked out all during the summer and do to this day. It was around this time I began listening to Marilyn Manson more, and his words nurtured my twisted soul and helped pull me back from oblivion. As of now, I have lost 140 pounds. Am I happy? Finally? After all of this? No I am not. I am still overweight and unhappy.
On the bright side, I have become socially adapted 100% now. Also, the main guy who bullied me (physical and verbal) got in a car crash, injured his little brother, dropped out of high school, and has three kids now. I have made some friends and some great ones on the internet as well. Do I think I'll ever be happy? I don't know. Sometimes I feel as if I am broken beyond repair, but I try and not let past miseries make me who I am today. The wounds of the past are fading away into scars. They will always be with me, but they no longer hurt like they used too.
I sorta redid this and was going to anonymously send this into the newspaper. There was a story about same sex marriage and I know in this small town, they are all against it. I hope to enrich their minds.
Hello to all of those who reading this. I would like to take a few moments of your time to discuss some important topics that are prevalent in society today. I would like to tell you my story. I do not wish to change your mind, I rather wish to provoke your thoughts and enhance your mind.
When I was a child, I was always the fat kid. I was the kid who had no friends and the kid who was overly sheltered to an extreme degree. When I was young, I moved to Wallis, and it was quite apparent that I didn't fit in. The smallest thing would upset me, and drive me to tears. On one of my first days in Elementary, I burst into tears because someone had called me fat. The entire tenure of Elementary was miserable. Finally, I made it to Middle School where my real torment began. I was constantly berated and picked on for everything about myself such as my weight, my religious views, and my hobbies. I cried all the time during Middle School, I would go to the bathrooms every now and then and just cry; it was the only way to let the poison building up inside out.
Sometimes I would fantasize terrible things. The images of bullets, blood, and a final curtain call of my own brains splattered across the school walls clouded my mind like a poisonous gas. I knew that this was not the way, and I put that to rest for good. My depression grew worse and worse each year. I would look into the mirror and only see a worthless, fat loser staring back. It never stopped; I wasn’t mentally able to cope with all of torment.
I don’t know why I didn’t end my life. A kind friend, who helped guide my twisted soul back from oblivion, or the words of a very influential rock star who taught me to never be afraid of being yourself . Those two saved my life.
I have lost all of my weight and have finally adjusted to the social norm. Am I finally truly happy? No, I am not. My memories continue to haunt me.
Then I ask myself. Why? Why do we continue to impede on others lives? Why can’t we let people be happy? Why do we continue to disallow same sex marriage? Now I know that this is the part where you will probably stop reading or roll your eyes and say “not this again”. But I would like for you to at least read what I have to say. It is no secret that I am not a religious person. However, I find myself asking why again. If God truly is the creator of all and knows all and has a plan for all, then why do we not allow love? The world is consumed with anger, apathy, hatred, greed, and vile behavior. Don’t we need a little more love? Why would God give these people all these feelings of love and then punish them for acting on it? I am a mortal; I do not hold the definite answer to this question. But, as cancerous sins continue to envelope this earth; don’t we need a little more love? By shunning same sex couples you are helping destroy a little bit more love in the world. Marriage is about unity. The bond of two forever linked in harmony. I believe that God would be proud that love shines through the darkness of hate that lingers like a dark reaper in the shadows of our "perfect society". I am not asking you to agree with me. All I ask is to open your mind, and if it comes to vote, allow same sex couples to marry.
I hope by reading this, you have at least had some mind enriching thoughts. Before you judge someone based on their looks or views, stop and think. How would you feel to be laughed at every day? How would you feel if you were looked upon as worthless? How would you feel if you were told you weren’t allowed to eat at a restaurant simply because of who you love? How would you feel if you were told you couldn't marry the person you loved? Instead of spewing the bile of hate, I ask you to spread the elixir of love. I am a damaged soul, shattered forevermore. I sometimes feel that I am broken beyond repair. But the wounds of the past have healed, and have become as scars. They will always be with me, but they don’t hurt like they used too.
Sometimes...I would fantasize terrible things. Did I used to fantasize shooting up the school? Honestly...I did. I used to imagine myself killing everyone who had ever made me feel bad. But no, I didn't act on it thankfully. Then I fell into a deeper depression by the time 8th grade rolled around. I was just constantly depressed about everything, I looked into the mirror with disgust at what stared back. A fat, useless, piece of shit. Then in 2009, I hit an all time low. My uncle had graciously tried putting me on a diet plan but no matter what I did I did not see a difference. I had everyone around me telling me how great I looked but I saw the same fat, piece of shit. It got so bad that my mother put me on suicide watch (which she was smart to do). The only thing that may have kept me alive during that time was a kind friend I met on a website. Finally, in 2010/11ish I just toughened up and stop giving a crap. I was still miserable but I wasn't planning on ending my life anymore. In 2012 I began my weight loss, I worked out all during the summer and do to this day. It was around this time I began listening to Marilyn Manson more, and his words nurtured my twisted soul and helped pull me back from oblivion. As of now, I have lost 140 pounds. Am I happy? Finally? After all of this? No I am not. I am still overweight and unhappy.
On the bright side, I have become socially adapted 100% now. Also, the main guy who bullied me (physical and verbal) got in a car crash, injured his little brother, dropped out of high school, and has three kids now. I have made some friends and some great ones on the internet as well. Do I think I'll ever be happy? I don't know. Sometimes I feel as if I am broken beyond repair, but I try and not let past miseries make me who I am today. The wounds of the past are fading away into scars. They will always be with me, but they no longer hurt like they used too.
I sorta redid this and was going to anonymously send this into the newspaper. There was a story about same sex marriage and I know in this small town, they are all against it. I hope to enrich their minds.
Hello to all of those who reading this. I would like to take a few moments of your time to discuss some important topics that are prevalent in society today. I would like to tell you my story. I do not wish to change your mind, I rather wish to provoke your thoughts and enhance your mind.
When I was a child, I was always the fat kid. I was the kid who had no friends and the kid who was overly sheltered to an extreme degree. When I was young, I moved to Wallis, and it was quite apparent that I didn't fit in. The smallest thing would upset me, and drive me to tears. On one of my first days in Elementary, I burst into tears because someone had called me fat. The entire tenure of Elementary was miserable. Finally, I made it to Middle School where my real torment began. I was constantly berated and picked on for everything about myself such as my weight, my religious views, and my hobbies. I cried all the time during Middle School, I would go to the bathrooms every now and then and just cry; it was the only way to let the poison building up inside out.
Sometimes I would fantasize terrible things. The images of bullets, blood, and a final curtain call of my own brains splattered across the school walls clouded my mind like a poisonous gas. I knew that this was not the way, and I put that to rest for good. My depression grew worse and worse each year. I would look into the mirror and only see a worthless, fat loser staring back. It never stopped; I wasn’t mentally able to cope with all of torment.
I don’t know why I didn’t end my life. A kind friend, who helped guide my twisted soul back from oblivion, or the words of a very influential rock star who taught me to never be afraid of being yourself . Those two saved my life.
I have lost all of my weight and have finally adjusted to the social norm. Am I finally truly happy? No, I am not. My memories continue to haunt me.
Then I ask myself. Why? Why do we continue to impede on others lives? Why can’t we let people be happy? Why do we continue to disallow same sex marriage? Now I know that this is the part where you will probably stop reading or roll your eyes and say “not this again”. But I would like for you to at least read what I have to say. It is no secret that I am not a religious person. However, I find myself asking why again. If God truly is the creator of all and knows all and has a plan for all, then why do we not allow love? The world is consumed with anger, apathy, hatred, greed, and vile behavior. Don’t we need a little more love? Why would God give these people all these feelings of love and then punish them for acting on it? I am a mortal; I do not hold the definite answer to this question. But, as cancerous sins continue to envelope this earth; don’t we need a little more love? By shunning same sex couples you are helping destroy a little bit more love in the world. Marriage is about unity. The bond of two forever linked in harmony. I believe that God would be proud that love shines through the darkness of hate that lingers like a dark reaper in the shadows of our "perfect society". I am not asking you to agree with me. All I ask is to open your mind, and if it comes to vote, allow same sex couples to marry.
I hope by reading this, you have at least had some mind enriching thoughts. Before you judge someone based on their looks or views, stop and think. How would you feel to be laughed at every day? How would you feel if you were looked upon as worthless? How would you feel if you were told you weren’t allowed to eat at a restaurant simply because of who you love? How would you feel if you were told you couldn't marry the person you loved? Instead of spewing the bile of hate, I ask you to spread the elixir of love. I am a damaged soul, shattered forevermore. I sometimes feel that I am broken beyond repair. But the wounds of the past have healed, and have become as scars. They will always be with me, but they don’t hurt like they used too.
